Narcissist Conversion Therapy
Strap them in and let them have it
Is your husband, or indeed President, a narcissistic dickhead? Well, help is at hand from an unexpected source.
The US Supreme Court’s decision to strike down a ban on gay conversion therapy in Colorado has opened the door to enable similar discredited pseudoscientific practices that might change an insufferable egotist into a normal human being who shows signs of empathy and self-awareness.
It’s unlikely to work, just like gay conversion therapy, and could lead to depression and attempted suicide, just like gay conversion therapy, so it’s worth a shot.
The Supreme Court has sided with a religious counsellor who claims the gay conversion ban violates the First Amendment, which guarantees Americans the right to be an absolute bellend, and to impose their bellendery on others. Something like that.
The conversion attempts have led to a small community of “ex-gay” men who no longer think about dick on the regular. Honestly, it never even crosses their minds, never enters their head, let alone their mouths or anywhere else, because God is watching, the mucky little perv. Some have even come round to the Christian ideal of hating people who are gay, bullying them and making their life a misery. Such is the love of the Lord.
Those who have experienced gay conversion have usually done so at a vulnerable point in their life, after self-harming, or a suicide attempt. Love in Action ran programs to wipe homosexuality from people’s lives. Not Love Action. That’s an 80s dance track and everyone knows the 80s are gay.
Too many of their attempts at conversion ended in suicide because it doesn’t work, is basically abuse, and only piles on the self-loathing. Some of the men responsible have accepted that they did terrible harm, have denounced the practice and married their husbands.
The unhappiness didn’t stem from being gay, far from it. It stemmed from being gay in an unforgiving, conservative Christian environment. Maybe someone should look at those people. Children need protection from bigots with influence.
The difficulty for narcissist conversion therapy is that narcissists think they are so wonderful, they are never going to reach a point when they volunteer for conversion. Luckily many narcissists, like Trump, Hegseth, Miller, don’t believe in human rights and are cool with kidnapping people – off the streets, or in foreign countries – to have somebody else’s will forced upon them. Strap them to a chair, Clockwork Orange-style, and repeatedly tell them that God hates them (She does), that their way of life is disgusting (it is), and they should pray their insatiable desire for attention converts into an acceptance of justified and hopefully relentless criticism.
It might not be successful, but where’s the harm in taking them down a peg or two? But if it does work, the world will be an infinitely better place.
Note: This article is male-centred, but you probably won’t be surprised that around 75% of those suffering narcissist personality disorder are men. Plus gay and bisexual men are much more likely to be exposed to conversion therapy, along with transgender people.
Image credit: Phil Roeder used under this license