BBC to move HQ into Farage’s Rectum

Direct news source will save cash

The BBC have announced they plan to move their main news operations closer to the source by opening a new headquarters in Nigel Farage’s arsehole. The move will potentially save millions of pounds by streamlining the flow from Farage’s large intestine straight into your brain.

“It’s not our job to look out of the window and see if it’s raining,” a spokesman told us. “It’s our job to ask Mr Farage if it’s raining and if it is, which foreigners are to blame.”

But critics have raised concerns about whether there is room up there, given the office space reserved for the Daily Mail, Daily Express and The Sun.

“We don’t want to be left behind, if you’ll pardon the pun,” the spokesman said. “And it will make inviting the Reform leader onto Question Time every week much easier.”

A Cardiff University study has found that Reform UK featured in a quarter of BBC News At Ten bulletins despite representing less than 1% of MPs. And were covered three times as often as the Liberal Democrats on ITV’s News At Ten when Ed Davey’s party has 72 MPs, to Farage’s 5.

Perhaps the reason for the favouritism is the eye-catching policies such as making benefits solely for Brits and the old chestnut of immigrant repatriation. Who else could come up with such a cunning scheme? OK, the National Front in the 1970s, but who else?

And who else would state we could save £234 billion by expelling hundreds of thousands of migrants and ending ‘indefinite leave to remain (ILR)? No one, because it is a massive and conscious lie. The people who came up with the figure (the Centre for Policy Studies) have already stated the figures are inaccurate and have withdrawn them. Farage knows the numbers are wrong, but continues to spread them. They have been repeated, on the BBC, ITV, in the Telegraph and elsewhere, without serious challenge. It’s not what you should expect from people trained in journalism. Unless the news comes straight from Farage’s Aris.

In fact, if the CPS had got their numbers right, they would have concluded that migrants are a large long-term fiscal benefit, as illustrated by the analysis of Jonathan Portes, Professor of Economics at King’s College, London. You won’t be hearing that from the majority of the nation’s media. Truth is not sexy, lies wear lingerie.

The other, even more worrying aspect of the far-right party’s proposal is that getting rid of ILR would decimate the NHS. Migrant workers form a critical part of our healthcare workforce. However, Farage has already stated his desire to move the UK towards the private health insurance model used in the USA, the world’s most dysfunctional healthcare system, where a broken leg can financially ruin you for life. More than 530,000 people file for bankruptcy a year in the US due to medical bills.

It would be a disaster for ordinary Britons, but a license to print money for a few already wealthy health sector investors.

The far-right message is much easier to disseminate than any other. It is essentially: crime is too high (it is) and there are too many migrants (there aren’t). The two are then conflated to produce fury, sell newspapers and gain power. If you’re a bit racist and want to be poorer, vote Reform. But the main parties aren’t blameless. No one really knows what the Labour Party stands for anymore, but few believe it is close to the concerns of ordinary people. And thankfully, the Tories are a bad memory.

The message of Mr Farage appears to be unavoidable, while that of eminent economists has to be tracked down in niche publications. Surely no harm can come to a nation by platforming far-right politicians with a history of racism and deceit rather than people who know what they’re talking about. Farage’s last big idea only cost the British economy around £100 billion, as predicted, so he’s an obvious choice to run the country. How has he avoided any responsibility for Brexit is a minor miracle. Obviously the media can’t mention it as Murdoch, Rothermere et al were complicit in fucking us all over in the first place.

Where can we go to avoid the deluge of Farage’s awful ideas? I’d try Clacton-on-Sea, the constituency he is supposed to represent. You are as likely to see him there as you are to hear him being honest.

Image credit: Mike Peel, used under this license.